i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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