Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
