so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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