if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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