Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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