and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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