i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
