my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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