dude i'm inner monologue high
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Randomize
