bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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