i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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