I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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