a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
