your thong is hanging out like whoa
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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