did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
