Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
