I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
