my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
