How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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