Cold hands, warm shart.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
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