Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
