I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
