The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize