More tranny stories later!
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
