i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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