those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
