Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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