I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
