so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize