Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Randomize
