How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
