im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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