Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Randomize
