During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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