i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
time to smoke my breakfast
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
