It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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