why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize