why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
