Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
