hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
