Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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