I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
