i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize