I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
