You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
