She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
