his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
