this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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