he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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