i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
