The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
