He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
