remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
