I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
