she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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