Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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