so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
