i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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