everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
