Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
