winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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