So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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