No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
