If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize