He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
