There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
