I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
