Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
