i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
