I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
