Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
