he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize