Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
