she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
