If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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