my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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