I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Randomize
