Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
