I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
