super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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