"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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