brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
