I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I have feelings that need drinking.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
