I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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