OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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