I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize