my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
