"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
The best revenge is premature balding
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
